Editing and Revision, II

salvēte, amīcī et sodālēs! As promised, today we’ll take a look at the editing and revision process for the second story submitted by our contributor David H. First, though, let’s “close the loop” on the first story with my ratings in each category of our rubric. (Sorry about the glitch with the rubric’s appearance in that last post, too!)

  • Morphology and Syntax: Not Yet Acceptable, but quite close. We just need David to fix those adjective-agreement problems and the accusatives used where nominatives were needed.
  • Vocabulary: Acceptable. There are a few slightly obscure words, but the meaning is generally clear from context or from English derivatives.
  • Storyline: Acceptable. It’s an interesting story, with some nice links to other content on the site, but it stands nicely by itself as well. I think Ortellius is going to be a very interesting and continuing figure as we learn more about him. 🙂

Considering that David H has a highly demanding academic job (in a field only tangentially related to Latin) and hasn’t used the language actively in years, I am very impressed with his first effort! Each draft has become successively better, and that’s very promising, too. Spectātōrēs, plaudite! 🙂

And now let’s take a look at David’s second story, with more information about Ortellius. Here’s the current version, available at this link:

Quid agis? Si vales, deinde valeō sum. Quid nomen tibi est? Ortellium mē vocant. Unde venitis? Ubi habitas? Quam patriam habēs? Hibernicus sum. In Hiberniā habitō. Hibernia insula parva ac pulchra est, prope Britanniam. Dē vitā meā tibi narrare volō.

Rusticus summissus sum, atque senex macilentus et stomachosus. Nec fratres nec sorores habeō. Uxorem quoque nōn habeō. Baccalaureus sum. Quamquam multos amicos et multas amicas habeō, solitarius homo sum, et vītam quiētam ac simplicem vīvō. Hoc mihi placet.

Senex invenustus sum, nōn pulcher. Barbam longam et horridam habeō, sed caput meus calvus est. Ego quoque caecus in unō oculō sum. Genūs meae nōn bonae, sed malae sunt. Genūs meae semper tumident ac dolent. Praeterea claudus sum, ergō agilis non sum. Multis abhinc annis in lutō lapsavi et ad terram cēcidi, atque coxam meam frēgī. Paulisper ambulare nōn poteram. Iampridem iuvenis validus eram, atque currere celeriter poteram. Hodiē currere nōn possum. Difficilis est mihi ambulare, ergō baculō lentē ambulō. Claudicare mihi nōn placet.

Ō mē miserum! Tempus fugit atque senescere mihi quoque nōn placet. Quam molestus est! Interdum melancholicus et morosus sum. Quamquam senex sum et sine dubiō vita dura et onerosa est, nihilominus nōn desperō. Magnam pecuniam et dives nōn habeō, sed pauper non sum. Ut dixi, ego multos amicos et multas amicas habeō.

So, before I reveal my comments and ratings (which I’ll do in tomorrow’s post), quid respondētis, amīcī?

  • How would you rate this story in each of the three areas of the rubric, and why?
  • Are there specific grammatical areas you’d recommend that David concentrate on? If so, which ones and how?
  • What specific advice would you give David to strengthen his story? Are there vocabulary items, constructions, or other problematic features you’d want to point out specifically?
  • And what suggestions for practice would you offer him?

Tune in next time for my responses to these questions, as well as my overall ratings of this story on the rubric. Then, on Monday, we’ll begin to look at some more “core” Tres Columnae stories … ones with participles and infinitives, for example. intereā, grātiās maximās omnibus iam legentibus! And please keep those comments and emails coming – and, if you’d like a Free Trial subscription, just let us know at this link; space is still available, and we’d love to welcome you to the Tres Columnae family!

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