Guarding Your Identity

In yesterday’s post, we talked about how teaching tends to be an identity-level job f – not just a role that I have (the way so many non-teaching jobs are) but who I am professionally. And in many cases, especially the frustrated teachers I’m serving these days, the professional identity becomes a larger and larger part of the personal identity. Sometimes our specific role (“I’m the Latin teacher at XYZ School” or “I’m the fifth grade teacher in Room 209 at ABC School”) gets fused with our professional identity and with our personal identity. I call it identity-role fusion, and it’s really common and it’s nobody’s fault and it’s the root of all kinds of problems. It makes it really hard to guard your identity and protect it from the Stuff that’s going on around you … stuff that probably isn’t even about you. But when you have identity-role fusion, almost everything feels like it is about you. It feels like it’s all about you … and not in a good way!

“All About Me” by cardinalskate is licensed under CC BY 2.0.

Sometimes life happens and there’s a change in your role or the context of the role … and sometimes it really isn’t personal. “We’re moving you from Room 209 to Room 212 next year,” That Administrator says, or “Enrollment is down, and we need you to teach a section of World History.” That’s never fun to hear! But when you have identity-role fusion, it can be totally overwhelming. “But I’m the teacher in Room 209, not 212! Room 209 is part of who I am!” says your fused identity. And it feels like you’re under identity-level attack. No matter what That Administrator’s actual intentions were, it feels like a deeply personal attack.

“I’m almost ready to retire,” said my friend W, almost 30 years ago, “but not quite. I think I’ll do one more year, maybe two.” In a quiet moment, she added this: “I need to figure out who I’m going to be when I retire.” W took things very personally – things that students and parents and colleagues and administrators said and did, even when they weren’t directed personally at W at all. That’s what happens when you find yourself in role-identity fusion. Even retirement, which W was genuinely looking forward to, felt like a personal attack sometimes.

But it doesn’t have to be that way! W’s friend M – but let’s call her Ms N – never suffered from role-identity fusion. And Ms N taught me an way to have space and grace (as she would put it) between your professional identity and your role.

She had built a professional persona, the “Ms N” version of herself. “Ms N” was the teacher version of M that allowed her to do what people in role-jobs do naturally: she could put on the teaching role when she arrived at work and take it off at the end of the day. “Ms N” wasn’t different from the M she was to her family and friends, but “Ms N” was a distinct version of her. “Ms N” was the secret behind her thriving for the twenty eight (“and a half”) years she taught, even when her teaching role and her specific context changed. Even when there was personal tragedy. And “Ms N” was the secret behind her ability to walk away when she knew it was time.

“Justin,” she said, “I’m retiring at the end of the month. I looked at that textbook, I thought about taking students through that textbook for three more semesters, and I realized I’m done. I talked to the retirement system people and they told me it would be $50 less a month if I retire now. And I can live with that.”

M was able to put aside her Ms N teaching persona when she knew the time was right. And, years before, M was able to leverage her Ms N teaching persona when her role changed – when That Principal asked her to teach some Spanish along with the English classes, and then, a few years later, when he asked her to teach Spanish exclusively. When That Other Principal moved her from Room ABC to Room DEF to Room XYZ.

Do you want the space and grace and comfort and ease that M had? Then you probably need some space between your professional identity and your specific role. You may need a professional persona, or you may just need to get out of identity-role fusion. We can work on that, or you can do it yourself – you know what’s best for you!